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Imagine if you could create the church you wanted, any way you wanted. Put together a worship service exactly the way YOU want: hymns, no hymns, drums, no drums. Are you from Wisconsin, start Polka Mass! Start a building campaign, ask for donations. Be the next Joel Osteen as you play Mega Church.
Imagine if you could create the church you wanted, any way you wanted. Put together a worship service exactly the way YOU want: hymns, no hymns, drums, no drums. Are you from Wisconsin, start Polka Mass! Start a building campaign, ask for donations. Be the next Joel Osteen as you play Mega Church.
Product Description
*Pastor a simulated church and create your own Christian empire
*Build a church from the ground up
*Hire and fire staff
*Deal with idiots, naive volunteers, and denominational egos
*Attract fickle unchurched people with Bingo, revival meetings or fasting--it is all up to you!
*Select a pre-loaded community
*Xurban or suburban church plant (for those who want it easy or just starting out) Or pastor an inner-city, multi-ethnic 80 year old church with 50 members and $1 million mortgage debt (for those who really want a challenge)
*Choose a denomination (Lutheran, Catholic, Baptist, Pentecostal plus many more obscure factions) Or load a brand new emergent plug-in
*Take weekly offerings and go over budget
*Start your own radio or cable-access show
*Attend the latest conference to hone your skills
*Implement the latest ministry fad
*Review weekly attendance and giving records
*Earn points with God by winning souls for Christ
*With network play enabled, you can steal members from other churches and earn points just like you saved them yourself.
*The possibilities are endless! To grow your church, work on all the strategic variables,
*Write a mission statement
*Choose a logo
*Get a billboard
*Hire a professional musician
*Buy plasma television for your PowerPoint presentations
*Prayer, study and preparation get thrown in there too--and the mysterious (or fickle) will of God!
*Deal with real-life scenarios including,
-Troublesome board members
-Elderly donor who wants to buy a new organ
-A son starts using drugs
-Your trusted deacon sleeps with your secretary
-The city starts a construction in front of your building
-Offering stolen
-Troublesome board members
-Elderly donor who wants to buy a new organ
-A son starts using drugs
-Your trusted deacon sleeps with your secretary
-The city starts a construction in front of your building
-Offering stolen
Denominations and Bible colleges use it to prepare potential church planters or associate pastors. It is better than an internship! Do it all without a degree, license or even the Bible! Just like Joel Osteen
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Posts
6 comments:
This is just a hoax, but it's so funny, yet sad that this is the mindset of some churches. I love the last line, "you don't need the bible, all you need is to like Joel Osteen."
hey trevor, nice post! I've been trying lately to post a video from Youtube onto blogger. Is there any special html stuff i nead to do? for some reason i cant figure it out. ttyl
Hey elephant, NICE picture! LOL wish the rest of us could see your blog. I'm dying of curiosity; if your picture is that crazy...
How did you do that? I would really like to know.
What are you referring to John? The photo? He just stuck a camera up his nose lol. The post? I actually stumbled across a page made to look like Amazon dot com and pretending to sell this product. I just copied and pasted all the info from there. the web site is here
Ya know, I don't think I could take that picture straight faced! I would burst out laughing! LOL!!!
(he he he) LOVE IT! :oP
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